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What do black men look for in white women?
- Thread starter PHLcuck
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Sounds like you’re shopping for steak but complaining the butcher isn’t a poet. If you’re only prioritizing size and then shocked that some guys lack charm, maybe it’s time to adjust the criteria. Quality conversation and respect go both ways! If you want depth, maybe look beyond just the well…depth. In my experience, good vibes gravitate towards each other. Maybe there’s something about you and your attitude, that keeps attracting such types. No offense.
Yours truly..a humble not so clever black guy
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I love feeling the soft skin goosebumps the deeper I go into the womb. I love making the skin red and bruised.
The delicate cries and moan, the soft, long hair to be grabbed and pulled.
All of this together without her being used to it and her feeling of being inadequate for never having gone through all of this together
The delicate cries and moan, the soft, long hair to be grabbed and pulled.
All of this together without her being used to it and her feeling of being inadequate for never having gone through all of this together
Sounds like you’re shopping for steak but complaining the butcher isn’t a poet. If you’re only prioritizing size and then shocked that some guys lack charm, maybe it’s time to adjust the criteria. Quality conversation and respect go both ways! If you want depth, maybe look beyond just the well…depth. In my experience, good vibes gravitate towards each other. Maybe there’s something about you and your attitude, that keeps attracting such types. No offense.
Yours truly..a humble not so clever black guy
Oh, sweetheart, no offense taken—just a little amused at the irony. You’re serving up wisdom like a life coach, yet wrapping it in a condescending little bow. Cute.Sounds like you’re shopping for steak but complaining the butcher isn’t a poet. If you’re only prioritizing size and then shocked that some guys lack charm, maybe it’s time to adjust the criteria. Quality conversation and respect go both ways! If you want depth, maybe look beyond just the well…depth. In my experience, good vibes gravitate towards each other. Maybe there’s something about you and your attitude, that keeps attracting such types. No offense.
Yours truly..a humble not so clever black guy
See, the thing about steak is, I don’t go to the butcher expecting poetry, but I do expect quality meat. And if I keep getting served overcooked, flavorless cuts, I have every right to question the supplier.
Now, about this “adjusting criteria” idea—why is it that when women have standards, we’re suddenly the ones who need to self-reflect? If a man prioritizes looks, nobody tells him to seek inner beauty. But the moment a woman expects a certain level of presence, wit, or even, dare I say, charm, we’re suddenly being too picky?
And let’s not skip past that little “maybe it’s something about you” comment. Sure, attraction is a two-way street, but let’s not pretend accountability is a one-way mirror. Some men put in no effort, then wonder why they’re alone, while women are told to reconsider their expectations.
At the end of the day, darling, I’m not looking for a poet at the butcher’s shop. I just refuse to pretend a tough, tasteless slab is filet mignon.
Yours truly,
An attractive, intelligent woman who knows exactly what she wants.
Okay, let’s really sink our teeth into this, shall we?
You’re absolutely right no one tells a man chasing a beautiful woman to reconsider his standards. But let’s not pretend the double standard doesn’t cut both ways. A man who dares to want more than looks, who seeks depth, emotional intelligence, or, heaven forbid, effort is often met with the same scrutiny. “Why can’t he just be happy with what’s in front of him?” The world loves to police desire, but only when it inconveniences the status quo.
Now, about this butcher shop metaphor if you keep getting served bad cuts, the issue isn’t that steak as a concept has failed you. It’s that you’ve been shopping at the wrong counter. And let’s be honest, some people insist on the prime rib experience while only browsing the discount aisle. Not saying that’s you, of course..just that it happens.
As for accountability, I couldn’t agree more. Some men absolutely show up with the bare minimum, expecting Michelin-star reviews. But that’s not exclusive to one gender. There are women who bring a wish list longer than their résumé and expect a man to just check the boxes. Effort is a two-way street, and standards while entirely valid..aren’t immune to reality checks.
So, let’s call it like it is: knowing what you want is powerful, but finding it? That’s an art. And if the search keeps turning up duds, sometimes the smartest move isn’t lowering standards. it’s refining strategy. On that note..if you actually had the pick of the litter, you wouldn’t be writing essays about why steak keeps disappointing you. Happy, fulfilled people don’t rant about “mediocre men.” You’re not turning down filet mignon, you’re mad that filet mignon isn’t showing up at your door, begging to be devoured.
Maybe your “standards” aren’t the problem here, your lack of self-awareness is. But by all means, keep blaming the butcher while wondering why your plate stays empty? It’s okay though, by all means necessary keep on banging on! Like a hammer that sees every nail as the problem.
EXACTLY, I don't know how old she is, but as long as she got that shapely white booty, we're going to want to fuck her into her 70s. Our lust for white women built like her is insatiable. There will be young black guys willing to fuck a 70yo PAWG.
Ah, the classic "It's not just men; women do it too!" deflection—how original. But since you've decided to sink your teeth into this, let me help you chew through the gristle.
First, your entire argument hinges on the idea that women who expect effort, emotional intelligence, and attraction are somehow entitled, yet when men do the same, it's just "having standards." Cute. You’re attempting to equate selective dating with entitlement, but only when it's inconvenient for you.
Your butcher shop metaphor? Adorable, but flawed. You assume that because someone critiques the available selection, they must be incapable of accessing the premium cut. That’s not how markets work, sweetheart. If the prime rib keeps looking like chuck steak in disguise, calling it out isn’t entitlement—it’s discernment.
Now, your biggest tell? The fact that you believe fulfilled people never critique mediocrity. News flash: high performers, top-tier professionals, and, yes, women with standards regularly call out subpar offerings in every aspect of life—because they can. It’s not about an "empty plate"; it’s about refusing to settle for crumbs.
Finally, the smug little hammer analogy? Cute. But let’s be clear: I’m not mistaking nails for the problem—I’m pointing out that some men keep showing up as bent, rusted, and utterly useless, demanding to be treated like precision tools.
So, you can keep gaslighting women into thinking their standards are the issue, or you can acknowledge that the real problem is men who believe bare-minimum effort should be met with maximum reward. Either way, I’ll be over here, still refusing to lower mine.
Good luck with that filet mignon delusion. Sounds like you’re more comfortable in the frozen aisle.
Samurai Day
Male
these smarty pants on this sexual site being all intellectual and *******. Simplicity is easier on brain sesssh. Thought this was about why black men like white women. Not who's bitter or better, nobody actually and everyone attracts what they are. The good bad and ugly.
Me
scottmoriarty
Male
Good morning, SanjaCrnka!Ah, the classic "It's not just men; women do it too!" deflection—how original. But since you've decided to sink your teeth into this, let me help you chew through the gristle.
First, your entire argument hinges on the idea that women who expect effort, emotional intelligence, and attraction are somehow entitled, yet when men do the same, it's just "having standards." Cute. You’re attempting to equate selective dating with entitlement, but only when it's inconvenient for you.
Your butcher shop metaphor? Adorable, but flawed. You assume that because someone critiques the available selection, they must be incapable of accessing the premium cut. That’s not how markets work, sweetheart. If the prime rib keeps looking like chuck steak in disguise, calling it out isn’t entitlement—it’s discernment.
Now, your biggest tell? The fact that you believe fulfilled people never critique mediocrity. News flash: high performers, top-tier professionals, and, yes, women with standards regularly call out subpar offerings in every aspect of life—because they can. It’s not about an "empty plate"; it’s about refusing to settle for crumbs.
Finally, the smug little hammer analogy? Cute. But let’s be clear: I’m not mistaking nails for the problem—I’m pointing out that some men keep showing up as bent, rusted, and utterly useless, demanding to be treated like precision tools.
So, you can keep gaslighting women into thinking their standards are the issue, or you can acknowledge that the real problem is men who believe bare-minimum effort should be met with maximum reward. Either way, I’ll be over here, still refusing to lower mine.
Good luck with that filet mignon delusion. Sounds like you’re more comfortable in the frozen aisle.
Interesting discussion. This response is specific to your perspective and the first of 2 lengthy responses I have towards this discussion - The second is a dive into / view from both perspectives.
While I understand the passion in your response, I think you're missing a few key nuances that help explain why "standards" in dating are often not a simple equation of just "knowing your worth" versus "settling for mediocrity."
Firstly, it's important to recognize that both men and women have personal standards in relationships, but these standards are shaped by different expectations and societal influences. When we frame this as just a matter of “entitlement” versus “having standards,” we risk ignoring how gender dynamics often play into the kinds of expectations that are set. For example, women who have high standards are often encouraged or validated by societal norms that see them as "deserving" of those qualities. On the other hand, men are frequently told to be more selfless, to prioritize a woman's emotional labor, and to “compromise” in relationships.
Your critique of the butcher shop analogy overlooks one important thing: while people are entitled to have preferences in relationships, they should also be mindful of the reality that everyone has a "market value." Just as you wouldn’t expect a discount for premium goods without paying for them, relationships require mutual effort. Criticizing others for not living up to an ideal without recognizing that they may also have high standards for what they want to bring to the table may come off as a bit dismissive.
Moreover, the idea that "high performers" or "top-tier professionals" never settle for mediocrity is more of an oversimplification. Just as you wouldn’t expect an elite athlete to perform at their best 24/7, expecting only the absolute "premium" person to meet your needs might ultimately limit the range of meaningful connections. A person doesn't have to be “bent or rusted” (your analogy to men) to have flaws or imperfections; the very nature of relationships is about working through those imperfections together. To think that the "right person" will be a perfectly finished product can often leave one perpetually waiting for something that never quite arrives.
Lastly, I think the argument about "bare minimum effort" oversimplifies a complex reality. Many women (and men) are, unfortunately, taught that minimal effort in relationships is enough, and that comes from a place of cultural expectation rather than entitlement. But reducing the problem to just men expecting "maximum reward" ignores the fact that both genders often struggle with how to balance effort and expectations in a relationship.
There's merit in your argument that people shouldn’t settle for mediocrity, but there's also a deeper question about whether those high standards are truly grounded in fairness, reality, and mutual effort. Holding out for “filet mignon” can be a great strategy — but maybe sometimes it’s worth considering whether you might be overlooking the perfectly good steak on the grill in favor of a dish that's harder to come by. JMHO
scottmoriarty
Male
Alright, let's try to dig into both sides here and look at the bigger picture, as you’ve both raised some valid points.
First off, gender dynamics and standards. Yes, there’s a double standard when it comes to what is expected from men and women in relationships. It’s absolutely true that society often expects men to have certain material or physical standards for their partners, and when men seek emotional depth, effort, or intelligence, they're sometimes criticized or dismissed. But it's important to acknowledge that this double standard works both ways — just as men are scrutinized for their "bare minimum" approach, women are sometimes criticized for demanding more than what others believe they “deserve” or for wanting high-effort relationships. This issue isn't one-sided but rooted in societal pressure on both genders.
Now, about the butcher shop metaphor. I understand where you’re coming from with this. If you’re consistently getting bad cuts of steak, it’s not the steak’s fault, but perhaps the butcher or the location. But let’s consider this, sometimes people keep shopping at the same counter (whether by habit, comfort, or lack of awareness), only to realize the "steak" they want isn't easily found. This isn’t a condemnation of the person looking for quality — it’s a challenge to refine one’s approach, but also to acknowledge the market itself. There’s something to be said for the idea that finding a great match requires both discernment and strategy, and it’s not just about being picky — it’s about being smart with where you're investing your time and energy. However, just because you’ve refined your “shopping” strategy doesn’t guarantee the perfect cut is suddenly going to appear.
Regarding accountability in relationships. Yes, absolutely, both men and women should be accountable for their actions and contributions to a relationship. It’s true that some individuals expect too much without offering the same level of effort, which applies across the board. But the point you're raising seems to suggest that standards should be matched with a sense of self-awareness — not simply rejecting others for being "mediocre," but reflecting on whether your expectations and approach are actually in sync with your goals. If someone constantly feels unsatisfied, perhaps the issue isn’t always the “quality” of the people around them, but rather their expectations, their communication, or their approach to relationships. Sometimes, the smartest move isn’t necessarily lowering standards, but recalibrating what you’re actually looking for and how you pursue it.
Finally, the idea of self-awareness and contentment. It’s true that fulfilled people don’t tend to rant about “mediocre men” or “disappointing steaks.” A fulfilled person is likely more focused on the relationships they already have or the improvements they are making in their own lives. If someone is constantly finding themselves dissatisfied with their partners, it may be a sign of needing to shift focus inward rather than outward. This doesn’t mean lowering standards — it might mean elevating your own self-awareness, your self-love, and understanding that sometimes expectations need to be adjusted or clarified. The notion that people should settle for mediocrity is, of course, frustrating, but perhaps rather than blaming the “butcher,” we might ask ourselves if we are looking in the right places, or whether we have an unrealistic vision of what perfection looks like.
I agree that knowing what you want in a relationship is crucial, and I understand the frustration with the search for "the one." But maybe it’s not just about demanding prime rib; it’s also about considering the context in which you’re shopping and whether there are hidden gems in places you haven’t looked yet. Balancing standards with a dose of self-awareness, and refining strategy rather than just blaming others, might just be the key to finding what you’re looking for. Again, JMHO....great discussion!
First off, gender dynamics and standards. Yes, there’s a double standard when it comes to what is expected from men and women in relationships. It’s absolutely true that society often expects men to have certain material or physical standards for their partners, and when men seek emotional depth, effort, or intelligence, they're sometimes criticized or dismissed. But it's important to acknowledge that this double standard works both ways — just as men are scrutinized for their "bare minimum" approach, women are sometimes criticized for demanding more than what others believe they “deserve” or for wanting high-effort relationships. This issue isn't one-sided but rooted in societal pressure on both genders.
Now, about the butcher shop metaphor. I understand where you’re coming from with this. If you’re consistently getting bad cuts of steak, it’s not the steak’s fault, but perhaps the butcher or the location. But let’s consider this, sometimes people keep shopping at the same counter (whether by habit, comfort, or lack of awareness), only to realize the "steak" they want isn't easily found. This isn’t a condemnation of the person looking for quality — it’s a challenge to refine one’s approach, but also to acknowledge the market itself. There’s something to be said for the idea that finding a great match requires both discernment and strategy, and it’s not just about being picky — it’s about being smart with where you're investing your time and energy. However, just because you’ve refined your “shopping” strategy doesn’t guarantee the perfect cut is suddenly going to appear.
Regarding accountability in relationships. Yes, absolutely, both men and women should be accountable for their actions and contributions to a relationship. It’s true that some individuals expect too much without offering the same level of effort, which applies across the board. But the point you're raising seems to suggest that standards should be matched with a sense of self-awareness — not simply rejecting others for being "mediocre," but reflecting on whether your expectations and approach are actually in sync with your goals. If someone constantly feels unsatisfied, perhaps the issue isn’t always the “quality” of the people around them, but rather their expectations, their communication, or their approach to relationships. Sometimes, the smartest move isn’t necessarily lowering standards, but recalibrating what you’re actually looking for and how you pursue it.
Finally, the idea of self-awareness and contentment. It’s true that fulfilled people don’t tend to rant about “mediocre men” or “disappointing steaks.” A fulfilled person is likely more focused on the relationships they already have or the improvements they are making in their own lives. If someone is constantly finding themselves dissatisfied with their partners, it may be a sign of needing to shift focus inward rather than outward. This doesn’t mean lowering standards — it might mean elevating your own self-awareness, your self-love, and understanding that sometimes expectations need to be adjusted or clarified. The notion that people should settle for mediocrity is, of course, frustrating, but perhaps rather than blaming the “butcher,” we might ask ourselves if we are looking in the right places, or whether we have an unrealistic vision of what perfection looks like.
I agree that knowing what you want in a relationship is crucial, and I understand the frustration with the search for "the one." But maybe it’s not just about demanding prime rib; it’s also about considering the context in which you’re shopping and whether there are hidden gems in places you haven’t looked yet. Balancing standards with a dose of self-awareness, and refining strategy rather than just blaming others, might just be the key to finding what you’re looking for. Again, JMHO....great discussion!
Oh, honey, you really went deep with this one, didn't you? But let’s cut through the fluff and get to the meat of it (since we’re apparently sticking with the butcher shop metaphor).
Look, you’re not wrong—self-awareness is sexy, strategy is essential, and expectations should be checked. But let’s not pretend that women wanting effort, intelligence, and emotional depth is some radical, sky-high demand. If a man can demand a woman be hot, fit, feminine, nurturing, and whatever other adjectives his heart desires, why is a woman suddenly “too picky” for expecting a man to bring more to the table than just existing?
You talk about adjusting where we “shop,” but let’s be real—most of us have been to every damn butcher in town. It’s not just about where we look; it’s about what’s being offered. And frankly, too many men think showing up is enough to warrant a prime cut experience. Effort is sexy. Self-awareness is sexy. A man who knows he has to be something, not just want something? Now that is the steak we’re looking for.
So sure, let’s all work on ourselves. But let’s also stop pretending that women who have standards are just being “unrealistic.” A man who expects filet mignon shouldn’t be serving up bologna.
scottmoriarty
Male
You make valid points, but let's take a step back and evaluate the underlying assumptions at play here.
First, I totally agree that effort, intelligence, and emotional depth are not radical demands for any relationship. But here’s where things get tricky. The way we frame these demands can inadvertently overlook the reality that everyone brings something different to the table, and expectations need to be calibrated accordingly. Sure, a man can have high standards and expect physical attraction, fitness, or nurturing qualities in a partner, but the conversation about effort, intelligence, and emotional depth doesn’t always come with the same self-awareness and accountability from women. The issue isn't whether these qualities are valid; it’s whether both parties recognize that offering those qualities requires real work on both sides, not just selective listing of desires.
Let’s talk about the “shopping around” metaphor. While it’s easy to say, “I’ve been to every butcher in town,” let’s pause and consider the quality of what we’re looking for. It’s one thing to want a prime cut, but it’s another thing to expect that every butcher will have that exact cut ready for you. Relationships are a two-way street, and while men often need to step up their game, it’s not just about "shopping" in different places; it's also about recognizing when our own shopping habits (expectations, preferences, and actions) may be missing the mark. Sure, the "butcher" may not always have what you want, but how often do we change our approach or look at what we're contributing to the equation?
Here’s a key point, effort is sexy, absolutely. But effort doesn’t just mean showing up. It means being emotionally mature, self-aware, and willing to grow and adapt. And here's the issue — some people (men and women alike) think effort means making minimal changes to fit the mold of what the other person desires, rather than focusing on self-improvement and building a deeper, more meaningful connection. It's about growth — for both partners. A woman demanding a man who knows he needs to be something, rather than just wanting something, is completely valid, but shouldn’t we all hold ourselves to that same standard?
Finally, the notion of “unrealistic standards”. It’s easy to call women “too picky,” but it’s equally important to examine whether we are placing standards on others that are just as limiting or unattainable. For example, you’re demanding a man who shows up with effort, intelligence, and emotional depth. Fair. But how often are these qualities truly reflected in your own actions and expectations? It’s crucial to remember that expecting someone else to be emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and genuinely interested in growth is one thing, but we also need to ask ourselves if we’re offering those same qualities in return. Being clear on your standards doesn’t mean expecting a man to serve you a gourmet meal while you sit back and do nothing but critique the menu. It’s mutual.
So, while it’s valid to ask for filet mignon in a relationship, let’s also acknowledge that in the dating world, it’s not always about demanding the highest quality without considering whether we’re cultivating the kind of environment that can nurture that quality. A man who expects a filet should be willing to show up with the same level of care and effort — not just want it handed to him.
JMHO
Wow, you really have some nerve whining about “filet mignon” when your palette is basically conditioned to scarf down the relationship equivalent of greasy drive-thru junk. You’re out here acting like you deserve top-shelf quality, but truth be told, you wouldn’t even recognize it if someone served it to you on a silver platter. Why? Because you’ve been gorging on microwaved, substandard nonsense for so long, you’ve forgotten what real substance even tastes like. Let’s be honest: half of you complaining about not finding “the best” don’t even know how to handle the best. It’s like you’re rummaging around for the world’s finest steak with a plastic spork in your hand. Meanwhile, the second someone with actual depth or intelligence comes along, you don’t know what to do with them—because that level of quality demands more than the cheap, lazy approach you’re used to.
So here’s a reality check: if you can’t tell filet from fast-food mystery meat, maybe you should stop barking about how nobody meets your standards. You can’t live off dollar-menu effort and expect five-star results. You want prime cut? Start by learning how to savor something real, instead of insisting that everyone cater to your unrefined tastes. Until you do, keep your complaints to yourself—because the only person shortchanging you is you.
Look at that, dollar steak talking.
scottmoriarty
Male
Ah, I see you've crafted quite the theatrical monologue there, clearly meant to elevate your own self-perception. How charming. But let’s be clear, the crux of your argument rests on an entirely subjective view of ‘quality’—one that you seem to believe should apply universally. How quaint. Perhaps you’ve forgotten that personal taste isn't dictated by some elitist hierarchy you’ve constructed. It’s fascinating, though, how you've managed to confuse arrogance for wisdom and condescension for insight. Perhaps it's time to reconsider that everyone isn’t required to conform to your overinflated standards of 'sophistication.' In the end, real refinement comes not from belittling others, but in understanding that others may very well find fulfillment in things that you, in your self-appointed superiority, would dismiss. But I’m sure you already knew that.
